I'm eating salad drizzled in olive oil, vinegar and salt, reading a new book. Out of habit, I run my hand across the back of my neck. You can imagine my surprise when I felt a tiny, hard lump in my neck that had DEFINITELY not been there the day before. I freeze and then yank my hair out of the way and feel it again. Surely it's not possible, I think to myself. I run straight to my mom and show her. My mom's calm and tells me it's probably nothing too important, an infection maybe. Mind you, it's midnight, so I didn't completely trust my mother's evaluation, despite her medical history. I go to bed and morbidly, I return to the first thought that sprang to mind when I touched it: What if it's cancer?
Thankfully, it probably isn't. My doctor checked it out, recommending some medicine for infections. I don't know WHAT it is yet. But it's smaller already, even since yesterday, so I'm hoping it'll be gone in a week. But it really kind of froze my life before my eyes. It was the most terrifying thing that's probably ever happened to me. Oh well, I'm so happy now. Things are normal for me again (for me, because nothing physical outside of my mind ever really changed). And if cancer is a part of my future, I'm planning on fighting it. You guys know how bossy and bitchy I can be. I'm not letting a stupid disease take me down and make me scared, not if I can help it.
Love,
Vikki
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Feeling better..
Not that, of course, any one cares, but I'm feeling great. Sorry for getting so whiney, but it was all pent up and then suddenly I went BOOM.
Dance class is enjoyably easy and... boring. The thought that repeats itself every few seconds is: I already know this. Probably the only thing I DON'T know is how to spell all the french. But oh well. It's just preparing me for the grey area of high school, right?
Speaking of which, can you believe we're that old already? Oh my God. It's frightening how fast I developed from an awkward tiny little six grader to a slightly less awkward and slightly less tiny high school freshman. I don't know, but I feel like time's running out. Sometimes when I wake up at 2:00 in the afternoon, I'm filled with an irrational panic and a little voice is saying "you won't be able to get up late or have someone cook and clean for you in a little bit." The voice immediately comes back as I get out of bed saying "You're not ready for that. You'll never survive on you're own. You forget to do everything and you get bored to easily you're-" Right about then, I tell the little pessimist to shut the hell up.
It IS scary though, but that makes me want to take advantage of being a wild, hormonal, irrational teenager as long as I can. I wanna act stupid and reckless and go to awesome parties and dance and sing and laugh. I wanna be with friends and not worry for a few hours what the future holds for me. I think that's basically the point of being an adolescent. NOT knowing and not caring too much that you don't know.
BTW, I'm planning an outing to the Midnight premier of Eclipse on June 30th. Call me and let me know if you wanna go, because you need to get your tickets in advance.
So, go forth and be crazy while you can!
Love,
Vikki <3
Dance class is enjoyably easy and... boring. The thought that repeats itself every few seconds is: I already know this. Probably the only thing I DON'T know is how to spell all the french. But oh well. It's just preparing me for the grey area of high school, right?
Speaking of which, can you believe we're that old already? Oh my God. It's frightening how fast I developed from an awkward tiny little six grader to a slightly less awkward and slightly less tiny high school freshman. I don't know, but I feel like time's running out. Sometimes when I wake up at 2:00 in the afternoon, I'm filled with an irrational panic and a little voice is saying "you won't be able to get up late or have someone cook and clean for you in a little bit." The voice immediately comes back as I get out of bed saying "You're not ready for that. You'll never survive on you're own. You forget to do everything and you get bored to easily you're-" Right about then, I tell the little pessimist to shut the hell up.
It IS scary though, but that makes me want to take advantage of being a wild, hormonal, irrational teenager as long as I can. I wanna act stupid and reckless and go to awesome parties and dance and sing and laugh. I wanna be with friends and not worry for a few hours what the future holds for me. I think that's basically the point of being an adolescent. NOT knowing and not caring too much that you don't know.
BTW, I'm planning an outing to the Midnight premier of Eclipse on June 30th. Call me and let me know if you wanna go, because you need to get your tickets in advance.
So, go forth and be crazy while you can!
Love,
Vikki <3
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It's 92 degrees outside and I'm wearing a sweater.
Yup, I'm that sick. I get hot and cold flashes, so right now I'm freezing. My body aches, I couldn't smell a cookie if it were in front of me and Tylenol is my new best friend. So, that leaves to question how the hell I got out of bed for a ballet class yesterday and how I dragged myself out of the house to see my cousins new house. Because, apparently, my family doesn't seem to believe me when I say that I'm NOT tired like I always am, I'm SICK with some kind of FLU. My mom is the only one who's at all sympathetic, and even so, she forced me to get out of the house today.
Yesterday I did 50 elevees in ballet class. 50!!! It hurt the muscles in my "derriere" like a mother. Before that, I was running around Target and Payless trying to find ballet shoes and tights. Somehow, my older sister managed to talk me into/force me to go to my ballet class, despite my pain. (I'm being whiney on purpose. I'm not allowed to complain about it at home, where my older sister could possibly sock me on the head.)
THEN, today I woke up pretty early and I worked on my new website . I turn on my phone and what do I find? A text saying to get dressed 'cause we're going to see your cousins new house. I mean, my cousin has an awesome sense of style and the house was beautiful, but goddammit! Give me a break will ya? So now I'm holed up at the computer, doing the most productive thing I could think of that didn't involve moving anything other than my hands. (AKA, blogging.)
BTW, Li'l Dynamite has a new home! The website isn't published yet but it should be soon. I'll post the URL when it's done!
Love,
sicky vikki
Yesterday I did 50 elevees in ballet class. 50!!! It hurt the muscles in my "derriere" like a mother. Before that, I was running around Target and Payless trying to find ballet shoes and tights. Somehow, my older sister managed to talk me into/force me to go to my ballet class, despite my pain. (I'm being whiney on purpose. I'm not allowed to complain about it at home, where my older sister could possibly sock me on the head.)
THEN, today I woke up pretty early and I worked on my new website . I turn on my phone and what do I find? A text saying to get dressed 'cause we're going to see your cousins new house. I mean, my cousin has an awesome sense of style and the house was beautiful, but goddammit! Give me a break will ya? So now I'm holed up at the computer, doing the most productive thing I could think of that didn't involve moving anything other than my hands. (AKA, blogging.)
BTW, Li'l Dynamite has a new home! The website isn't published yet but it should be soon. I'll post the URL when it's done!
Love,
sicky vikki
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Call
It started out as a feeling,
which then grew into a hope,
which then grew into a quiet thought,
which then turned into a quiet word.
And then that word grew louder and louder 'til it was a battle cry:
I'll come back when you call me,
no need to say goodbye.
Just because everythings changing,
doesn't mean it's never been this way before.
All you can do is try to know who you're friends are
as you head off to the war.
pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light:
you'll come back when it's over,
no need to say good bye
Now we're back to the beginning,
it's just a feeling and no one knows yet.
But just because they can't feel it too
doesn'tmean that you have to forget.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'til they're before your eyes:
You'll come back when the call you,
no need to say goodbye.
I'll come back when it's over,
no need to say goodbye.
You'll come back when they call you,
no need to say goodbye.
Love,vikki
P.S. this is the song they played at the end of 'Prince Caspian'.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Predator: a short story by Vikki
His breath comes in short gasps and his over-loud heart threatens to leap out of his chest. He's scared, I realize with a moment of shock.
But that's how it should be. He can't even see me, and his instincts still tell him that I'm dangerous. Everything about me screams danger now, from my powerful, streamlined body that is yet a silhoutte in the dark, to the viscious flash of my silver eyes that sometimes shine at him, betraying my presence further. Even smiling would be a menacing display, as my teeth are bright white and my incisors are cruelly sharp and the barest hint longer than usual, perfect for tearing into flesh. So yes, his alarm is justified. Giving in to temptation, I smile gently, letting them catch the light, and he flinches further away down the aisle. I can't really hurt him, I'm not allowed, but he doesn't know that. He's not aware of all the bothersome paper work I'd have to fill out if I severely injured, maimed or killed him. Besides my profound distaste for filling out a stack of documents, I'm also not particularly interested in hurting him. Getting him to jail is enough for me, and if he'd just hold still...
I have him cornered in a large store, one of those warehouse-like, on-stop-shop affairs, in the athletics section.
His eyes flicker to the rack next to him as I advance calmly. Baseball bats. Wonderful, now the pathetic human thinks he has a chance of fighting me off. As if. He probably thinks he's grabbing one of the bats at blinding speed and that he looks tough slashing the air in front of him, but, to be honest, it's hilarious. It reminds me of a puny chihuahua barking at a doberman.
I step out into the light and flash my badge at him. Oh, a perk you don't usually get as cop, I don't need to say I'm from the government. As long as they can see your badge, not that it matters. He won't remember this later.
Suddenly I crouch close to the floor, cat-like. I'm coiled to spring, tightly wound, and then....
But that's how it should be. He can't even see me, and his instincts still tell him that I'm dangerous. Everything about me screams danger now, from my powerful, streamlined body that is yet a silhoutte in the dark, to the viscious flash of my silver eyes that sometimes shine at him, betraying my presence further. Even smiling would be a menacing display, as my teeth are bright white and my incisors are cruelly sharp and the barest hint longer than usual, perfect for tearing into flesh. So yes, his alarm is justified. Giving in to temptation, I smile gently, letting them catch the light, and he flinches further away down the aisle. I can't really hurt him, I'm not allowed, but he doesn't know that. He's not aware of all the bothersome paper work I'd have to fill out if I severely injured, maimed or killed him. Besides my profound distaste for filling out a stack of documents, I'm also not particularly interested in hurting him. Getting him to jail is enough for me, and if he'd just hold still...
I have him cornered in a large store, one of those warehouse-like, on-stop-shop affairs, in the athletics section.
His eyes flicker to the rack next to him as I advance calmly. Baseball bats. Wonderful, now the pathetic human thinks he has a chance of fighting me off. As if. He probably thinks he's grabbing one of the bats at blinding speed and that he looks tough slashing the air in front of him, but, to be honest, it's hilarious. It reminds me of a puny chihuahua barking at a doberman.
I step out into the light and flash my badge at him. Oh, a perk you don't usually get as cop, I don't need to say I'm from the government. As long as they can see your badge, not that it matters. He won't remember this later.
Suddenly I crouch close to the floor, cat-like. I'm coiled to spring, tightly wound, and then....
Monday, June 7, 2010
I'm gonna miss you guys...
I never really knew how to cry,
but it's hard to let go and say goodbye,
so i find tears shining on my face
and all of us leaving this familiar place.
Next year I don't know if we'll be friends,
or if our new lives will be full of dead ends.
all I know is already i miss you
and if i ever see your face i won't have to ask who
I remember when it rained and we stood under a tree,
talking about all things "we"
I remember when the power went out,
and all the dares we made, "brave" and stout
I remember when people left the school,
some leaving my heart bland and cool.
I've had the best year with all of you,
and just wanted to share a memory or two.
Please remember me how I'll remember you <3
with love,
vikki
but it's hard to let go and say goodbye,
so i find tears shining on my face
and all of us leaving this familiar place.
Next year I don't know if we'll be friends,
or if our new lives will be full of dead ends.
all I know is already i miss you
and if i ever see your face i won't have to ask who
I remember when it rained and we stood under a tree,
talking about all things "we"
I remember when the power went out,
and all the dares we made, "brave" and stout
I remember when people left the school,
some leaving my heart bland and cool.
I've had the best year with all of you,
and just wanted to share a memory or two.
Please remember me how I'll remember you <3
with love,
vikki
Thursday, June 3, 2010
This is what i wrote on my B.T. finals. I like it, don't you?
Why I Chose Interior Designing as a Career
As a child, I grew up watching my father install tile or wood floors. I saw him turn a floor that had fallen into disrepair into a thing of beauty. He’d let me help him lay down the quick-set cement with a grooved trowel “to help the tile grip”, he said. Just recently, he re-did his shower floor with a mosaic of glass tile that throws the light. He’s a general contractor, my grandfather used to set tile and I have an uncle who’s an architect. After a while, some of your career choices are influenced by that. The reasons I decided to do a project on interior designing are that I’ve always wanted to be one, I love being the creator of something beautiful, and my personality.
I was one of the only kids, if not the only kid, in first grade that watched DIY remodeling shows. I knew the shows on HGTV by name and I had memorized the schedule so I wouldn’t miss my favorite shows. I was in love with architecture and designing. My sisters would complain that they didn’t know what I was talking about when I pointed out a pretty Tudor, or how they did a bad job on the wainscoting. My father only fed my fanaticism by pointing out that nice porcelain tile, or the impractical choice of marble, or that chip in the terracotta on the altar of our church. I grew up learning about such things, loving things like crown molding and hardwood floors. Isn’t it fitting that I devote one measly slide show to my first love?
You’ve just painted a piece of art that will turn you into the Michelangelo of the 21st century. Would you be ashamed to call it yours? No! You’d practically be on the rooftops shouting “I made that!” I think that most humans strive for that moment, that epitome of your work that makes everything else worth it. The moment where the artist lays down his brush and sighs. Those are the moments I hope to have many of as an interior designer, that sense of creation.
As you can see, I simply am in love with architecture and the things that goes within a structure. My personality is rather in harmony with work, too. Interior designing is slightly competitive, which I am. Always trying to keep up with rival designers who might want the job and also racing the clock to get things done in a reasonable amount of time. I’m also a tad bit of a stickler when it comes to how I spend my money. This is important as a designer, as you’re given a budget. Most importantly, I can listen. Listening to your clients is important, because you could build them a miniature Taj Mahal, but if you didn’t listen to them, odds are it’s not what they wanted.
I love interior designing. I have since I was a little toddler, I have always longed for the sense of accomplishment it grants you, and the way it dovetails with my personality, almost perfectly. I could have gone on and on about this, as a mother would about her new baby. I did my presentation on interior designing because that’s what I want to be. I enjoyed the chance to learn more about my career, about salary and other things. Perhaps one day you’ll hire me to fix up your home!
As a child, I grew up watching my father install tile or wood floors. I saw him turn a floor that had fallen into disrepair into a thing of beauty. He’d let me help him lay down the quick-set cement with a grooved trowel “to help the tile grip”, he said. Just recently, he re-did his shower floor with a mosaic of glass tile that throws the light. He’s a general contractor, my grandfather used to set tile and I have an uncle who’s an architect. After a while, some of your career choices are influenced by that. The reasons I decided to do a project on interior designing are that I’ve always wanted to be one, I love being the creator of something beautiful, and my personality.
I was one of the only kids, if not the only kid, in first grade that watched DIY remodeling shows. I knew the shows on HGTV by name and I had memorized the schedule so I wouldn’t miss my favorite shows. I was in love with architecture and designing. My sisters would complain that they didn’t know what I was talking about when I pointed out a pretty Tudor, or how they did a bad job on the wainscoting. My father only fed my fanaticism by pointing out that nice porcelain tile, or the impractical choice of marble, or that chip in the terracotta on the altar of our church. I grew up learning about such things, loving things like crown molding and hardwood floors. Isn’t it fitting that I devote one measly slide show to my first love?
You’ve just painted a piece of art that will turn you into the Michelangelo of the 21st century. Would you be ashamed to call it yours? No! You’d practically be on the rooftops shouting “I made that!” I think that most humans strive for that moment, that epitome of your work that makes everything else worth it. The moment where the artist lays down his brush and sighs. Those are the moments I hope to have many of as an interior designer, that sense of creation.
As you can see, I simply am in love with architecture and the things that goes within a structure. My personality is rather in harmony with work, too. Interior designing is slightly competitive, which I am. Always trying to keep up with rival designers who might want the job and also racing the clock to get things done in a reasonable amount of time. I’m also a tad bit of a stickler when it comes to how I spend my money. This is important as a designer, as you’re given a budget. Most importantly, I can listen. Listening to your clients is important, because you could build them a miniature Taj Mahal, but if you didn’t listen to them, odds are it’s not what they wanted.
I love interior designing. I have since I was a little toddler, I have always longed for the sense of accomplishment it grants you, and the way it dovetails with my personality, almost perfectly. I could have gone on and on about this, as a mother would about her new baby. I did my presentation on interior designing because that’s what I want to be. I enjoyed the chance to learn more about my career, about salary and other things. Perhaps one day you’ll hire me to fix up your home!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
can't stop smiling!
seriously. why the hell am I smiling so much? I keep thinking of all these funny memories from this year, which should make me sad, I guess, but it doesn't! It just makes me laugh out of no where like a maniac, lol.
I had a nice day today. Sure the final exams got in the way, but in cruz we watched forrest gump after the test and in curry we did this crossword and the guys around me were lots of fun, making a weird comic and constantly copying my answers even when I swatted them away.
Another good thing about today, I actually felt kind of pretty. Not like, "hey I'm hot" (I'm NOT!lol), but more confident, like "who cares what you think?". So I felt.. pretty on the inside? Is that a good way to put it? Oh well. ( I just resisted the urge to type lol after that sentence. That's right. I have control :)
I absolutely LUV my friends! The people i count among my friends have put up with me and supported me always. Sure, there are tiffs, but hey. Thats life. The important thing is that we're still buddies afterwards! My life wouldn't be the same without you guys!
(did I mention I can't stop smiling?)
Love (lots of it!),
Vikki ;)
I had a nice day today. Sure the final exams got in the way, but in cruz we watched forrest gump after the test and in curry we did this crossword and the guys around me were lots of fun, making a weird comic and constantly copying my answers even when I swatted them away.
Another good thing about today, I actually felt kind of pretty. Not like, "hey I'm hot" (I'm NOT!lol), but more confident, like "who cares what you think?". So I felt.. pretty on the inside? Is that a good way to put it? Oh well. ( I just resisted the urge to type lol after that sentence. That's right. I have control :)
I absolutely LUV my friends! The people i count among my friends have put up with me and supported me always. Sure, there are tiffs, but hey. Thats life. The important thing is that we're still buddies afterwards! My life wouldn't be the same without you guys!
(did I mention I can't stop smiling?)
Love (lots of it!),
Vikki ;)
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